Thursday, April 22, 2010

ABC Asks "Why Can't A Successful Black Woman Find A Man?"

I was reluctant to watch this program because I think stuff like this only perpetuates the problem. Anyone who believes in the power of the spoken word, or knows that our words create our reality, can see why this program did more harm than good. Now, not only are Black women walking around saying over and over and over again like drones "I can't find a man I can't find a man I can't find a man..." the rest of the friggin' country is saying it, too. It's bad enough we always have to fight stereotypes of being over sexualized and lacking in self respect .
Thanks a lot music videos.

Now wherever we go men will see us coming and think "Oh, No!! A Single Black Woman. She MUST be LONELY and ANGRY and DESPERATE. Let me avoid her at all costs!!"
Thanks a lot ABC.

Obviously, I'm a little pissed. And I should be. I feel like Black woman are being targeted for failure. I mean ABC could have easily had a show called:

Why Can't Successful, Stunning Actresses, Black or White, Keep Their Men from Cheating?
(That would be aimed at Sandra Bullock and Garcelle Beauvais)


Why Can't a Man, Black or White, Keep His Dick in His Pants?
(That would be aimed at Tiger Woods and Jesse James)

But noooooo. This was the topic they chose to highlight. Surely, hopefully there were good intentions behind the panel. Maybe the producers at NightLine really want to help solve this very real problem but for some reason, I doubt it. Because instead of doctors, psychologists, historians, sociologists, and/or professors of African American studies, they had a comedienne (Sherri Shephard), a radio host and reality TV star (Jacque Reid), an actor turned author (Hill Harper), a comedienne turned radio host turned author turned relationship guru (Steve Harvey), and then there was some other guy who wrote a book called The Denzel Principle. He argues that all Black women are waiting for Denzel to come through the door, which is absolutely ridiculous. Morris Chestnut, maybe. But Denzel? He is so yesterday. But I get it. He's saying we want a handsome man to drive up in a nice car with flowers and chocolate and I say--OF COURSE WE DO!! WE DESERVE IT!!

I found myself yelling at my television because the discussion, like the situation itself , was frustrating. Hill Harper says we should date potential. Really, Hill? Every woman I know who dated "potential" in the past is living alone in the present to regret it. Not to say we don't need to have faith in a brother. But a brother has got to have faith in himself, too, for it to work. Because then we become nagging mother figures (Did you look for a job today, honey? Did you call the man about the scholarship, boo?) and we all know that's just the beginning of the end.

Then there was Sherri's silly statement about wanting a man to "take her cornrows out". I had to agree with Steve when he said most men are not wired to want to take cornrows out!!
But I think what she was really trying to say was that she wants someone there for the good and bad hair days, the ups and downs of life. And I don't think that's too much too ask especially since a woman who is in love with a man will not only take his cornrows out she will wash his hair and then re-braid it! You know how we do, sisters.

I could go on forever but I won't. The bottom line is we have to stop placing the blame on each other and be more patient and compassionate with each other. At the end of the day, as Hill Harper wisely pointed out, this is about the survival of the black family. This is about our sons and daughters. And it is kinda depressing. But what was really depressing, at the end of my day, were the men on the panel. One was bald. One was chubby. And one was short. Gosh. I guess a good Black man is hard to find after all!!!

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