I've been a little under the weather the past few days--sleeping, praying, reading (check out this week's Book of the Week). So, I'm lying in the bed feeling sick and my phone rings. It's HIM. After two weeks of no communication (except for a feeble IM from him which I ignored) he calls. I was sick and dizzy and tired and picked up the phone without looking at the caller ID (I'll learn). He asked me how I was doing but it didn't take a genius--after hearing my tired voice and labored breathing--to figure out I wasn't doing well, at all. He sounded concerned and asked if there was anything he could do. I assured him I was OK for the most part and that my mom and daughter were on hand and being helpful. I thanked him for calling, told him to take care, hung up, and went back to sleep.
A few hours later, there is a knock on my door. My mom had gone back home and my daughter was with friends across the hall. Maybe she left her key, I figured angrily, and dragged myself to the door only to see--you guessed it-HIM- standing there, smiling. He was looking goofy and cute and oh, hell. I let him in and accepted my gift of warm peppermint tea and cookies. He said he couldn't stay long he just wanted to stop by--I didn't sound so good on the phone. I was cordial and polite and be fore I knew it we were talking like old friends--about his job, my company, his mom, my family. I must admit it was nice but a little awkward--I mean wasn't he the enemy? The guy who had broken my heart? Who met me, seduced me, made me love him then said some shit like he "wasn't ready"! Shouldn't I have spat in his face and slammed the door?
Oh my head was spinning. I wrapped up the visit and was relieved when he left. I can't lie, though, it was good to see him and to know that he gives a damn, even a little. But still. There's something that's not healthy here. After everything we've been through--the good and the bad--the fact that we could talk and laugh like friends was refreshing and frightening. Refreshing because it was good to see him and catch up. Frightening because I do still care for him but it's clear we cant be a couple so I really don't want to start stirring up old feelings.
Some people say out of sight out of mind but for me, so far, this has not been true. All I have been doing since our breakup is thinking about him and obsessing about the relationship (thus the blog--duhhrrr!!) And it's been working for me, for the most part. But still, that was when we weren't in communication, weren't calling each other and surely weren't visiting each other!!
So I guess what I want to know is--is it safe or smart to maintain a friendship with my ex? I mean, we have a lot in common, it's not like either of us cheated on each other (that I know of--hey!), or there was any kind of physical or verbal abuse. Just two people at different places in their lives. But can we--should we--be friends?